Random

I desire to be completely random. Being an artist, my thoughts (many times) do not come out as words, but rather as whole ideas, dreams, colors, patterns, moods, songs. Trust me, I have questioned as to whether or not I may be slightly autistic (because of thinking that way). This earns me a stern look and a loud "NO." from my mother.

But how great would it be if I could just lose myself in randomness? Give in to my [thoughts, dreams, patterns, etc.] whenever I felt like it? I'm not saying lose all sense of reality and rationality, but how different could I be if I just let things go and possibly become a more. . .obscure, shall we say, version of myself?

Hmm. I'm not crazy, I know that. But how much of my life have I wasted trying to become something I can never be and, perhaps, never should be in the first place? It would be well enough if other people thought I was crazy, the whole time knowing in myself that I'm perfectly sane.

God made all of us the way we are for a reason. He made me to think this way for a reason. I don't know why, at least not now, and I may never know why. It would probably be in my best interest to just accept it. Actually, it would probably be in my best interest to embrace it.

Hmm. Something for me to think about.