I'm done.

So tonight, my mom and I decided to watch "Farrah's Story", documenting Farrah Fawcett's battle against cancer. I never really thought much about Farrah Fawcett, you know, she was just this person who was on a poster and was in Charlie's Angels and did some other stuff. Not a big deal. And then I saw this woman who, yeah, is an actress. But there's so much more to her than the acting thing. Did you know she's a talented artist? I didn't. It showed her drawing on this HUGE canvas (it was a face) and she was drawing these very expressive eyes. She majored in art in college, something else I didn't know. But watching her tonight, all she wanted to do was live. Eventually she didn't care about her hair, or anything else. She just kept saying "I want to live." And, having lost several family members to cancer within the last couple of years, I thought to myself: How stupid is it for me to sit here and care about things that I cannot control ? My time and attention would be better spent on so many other aspects of my life and ways I can live my life to the fullest every day, so in the end I don't have any regrets.



So I am done. The things I thought were important before. . .I'm going to edit those. What is truly important will stay, but the majority of these things will go.

1. I no longer have a political affiliation. I have no party. I don't believe I will vote again. It
seems to me that either side you vote for will mess you over somehow. Whether I vote or
not will not be a factor in my eternal life. I'm tired of getting stressed out over decisions I
cannot control, and I am tired of getting stressed out because someone I voted for is doing
something I don't agree with.

2. To C. N. E. : (And you know who you are. . .) You know what you did. You lied to me and
manipulated me when all I ever offered you was my love and friendship. That is over, and
has been for some time now. I am tired of thinking about it and worrying about it. I pray
that you truly do ask forgiveness of God, you have mine. But if you don't, and you continue
in your way, God will deal with you. Also, let it be known, I am NOT going anywhere. I was
there a long time ago and I'm going to be there for a long time yet. But as of NOW, this is
OVER. I'm DONE.

3. To all the men in my life who have ever hurt me: I understand fully now that there is a VERY
GOOD reason God did not let you stay in my life, each of you for your own various reasons.
I will never moon over "what could have been" again.

4. To I. J. B.: I will always love you. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are. I pray for you
and wish you all the happiness in the world!




I can't get over it. . .all she was striving to do is live. What right do I have to complain, when some small little detail is all wrong in my life, when there are people out there who, all they want, is to LIVE ?