Don't Blog Drunk. . .(Or, in my case, Tired)

It's true. I'm tired. Only got four hours of sleep last night, because I couldn't fall asleep. Kept jolting awake. And I had to go back to the Franklin Graham Festival after church, so no nap. In any case, I probably shouldn't be blogging right now. I should probably go to bed. Heh.

Funny what exhaustion does to a person. Sure, you're tired. But I mean internally. In your head. It makes you think. It makes you feel different, in the right circumstances, where temperature is concerned. There's a cool breeze blowing through my window that is opened just a crack. I have this bittersweet, melancholy feeling in my chest, and there are faint tears in my eyes. I don't know why. My mind is wandering, thumbing through possibilities. In my mind I'm continuously praying (which, I know, is a good thing). I wonder. About different things. There's a distant reminder that today *since it's after midnight here* is the first day of fall (yay!) and that the fair , which coincides with halloween, will be here before you know it (in approximately one month and one week). After that is Thanksgiving, then Christmas. . .I remember when the years didn't roll by so fast.

I miss being a kid.

But I think about the future too, wondering, waiting, praying. Wondering when God will send the right man my way, wondering if I've already found him. I often grow weary of waiting. I know he's out there somewhere. I just don't know where. Maybe I don't pray about it as much as I should. I don't pray for myself as much as I should, and perhaps there lies part of the problem. And I don't pray for him, whoever and wherever he is, as much as I ought to. My heart aches. Look, I don't expect a fairy tale. I know love and courtship and marriage takes work, and I'm willing to work for it.

Oh, I am so tired right now, and if I go any further I will sit here and cry until my face is red and blotchy, and I have gotten the hiccups. I miss people and dogs who are no longer here. I long to grow and to heal. I'm just afraid that if I stop hurting, I'll start forgetting. . .

Franklin Graham Festival: Newsboys, Group 1 Crew

My sister's birthday is next week. She said a couple of months ago that she wanted to go see the Newsboys and Casting Crowns at the Franklin Graham Festival, which is this weekend. Now, I have pictures, and I will have them up soon. But tonight we saw the Newsboys, and it was a lot of fun! We also saw a group called Group 1 Crew, a Christian hip-hop group, they were excellent as well! But when Newsboys were on, most of the songs I knew by heart. It was great to hear them live. They sang several of my favorite songs, like "Shine", "Something Beautiful", and "Breakfast". We had a lot of fun, and we are going back tomorrow night to see Casting Crowns, another one of our favorite groups. I promise you, the pictures from both evenings are coming soon! :) (I just have to remember to put new batteries in my camera!)

The seasons are changing. . .

The high today here near Charleston was in the upper 70's. . .hallelujah! It's a sign that it's almost Autumn, my favorite season of the year! I don't know why exactly I love it so much. I guess maybe because as a child, it was the time to go back to school; dinnertime with my family; playing outside until it got dark. . .now, I love the changing colors, the falling leaves. The only trees we had at my childhood home were pine trees, so until I was an adult, I never really got to see leaves falling. Oh, I'm sure that had I looked at the trees in the next door neighbor's yard, I would have seen them. But now that we have leafy trees in our front yard (and our back yard), the changing season is so much more evident to me now. In Fall I like to watch the leaves showering down out of the trees when a strong breeze blows. And I love the cooler temperatures after the long, hot, humid summer. Too, it takes us into the Halloween/Fair time of year, which goes into Thanksgiving, then Christmas. . .you get the idea. And now. . .I don't know. Autumn just does something to me. It changes me somehow. I can't explain it.

All we got from Hanna, by the way, was a lot of rain and a breeze. Thankfully.

Quick Post

Because I'm supposed to be cleaning. But I'm taking a break. . .In case you haven't heard, we have a maybe-hurricane heading toward good ole SC. TS Hanna. Ick. So we have to get cleaned up and packed up in case we have to leave in a good hurry.

On another note.

I've been meaning to paint for sometime. I just never get to it. I need to MAKE myself paint. I know I'm creative. I have the soul for it. I've been told I'm an old soul. I suppose so. I don't like much of the modern entertainment (i.e. music, tv shows [I do like a few shows on network tv but I'm not much for MTV anymore, or anything like that], etc.) and I consider myself a hippie--Christian hippie. . .but I look at all these other artists and see what they're accomplishing, and they have busier lives than I do.

I need to treat myself better. Get to bed earlier. Drink more water. Go exploring on foot, take my camera with me. Do stuff.

Anyway. That's my post for now. Perhaps I'll get back a little later, after I've cleaned some more.

And I'm painting tonight.

And check this out. it's funny, near the end. Well, I think it's all funny, but. . .funny is subjective.

Ciao.

College

I went to school with my mom today. . .she is going to school to become a paralegal. I have been toying around with the idea of going back to school for some time now, so I went with her today to get some information, such as degree programs, what I would want to major and minor in, etc. The prospect of going back to school is scary for me. But as my mom said, if she can do it, I can too. (She was out of school for about 40 years).

This is what I'm thinking: major in graphic design and minor in photography. I love art and I love photography. My mistake back in '99 was not majoring in something that I loved doing. Instead I majored in Radio and Television Broadcasting. While parts of it were interesting, it wasn't enough to hold my attention. Plus, I had wanted to take a year off after graduating high school, but somebody told me that if I did that, I wouldn't go to college at all. I think I would rather have taken the year off. Because I got really stressed. I had just finished high school, I was working part time, and going to college. I had the worst anxiety attack of my life that fall.

I think, now that I'm older, I could handle it better. I have a support system, not only here, but abroad as well. I have a network of people who believe in me, and they know that I can do this. I need a lot of prayer, my own praying included. I need to make sure that this is the right decision.

Your Tuesday Philosophy Lesson

It's Tuesday. Dale and Dot have gone; and you know what?

I can handle it.

How can I say this without being morbid? . . . I had a fear of them leaving because it seemed like everyone was leaving me, with all the deaths in my family in the last 14-16 months. But for some reason, until yesterday, I didn't put it all together. Even though I said we'll keep in touch and we have all the technology, at least I know that even on the other side of the planet, they're there, each of them the same person as they were when they were here. Their personalities will not change with geographical location. The next time I see them, they will still have the same traits they did the last time I saw them.

Yes, I'm a very emotional person. And sometimes it does take time for me to understand things fully. And you can be philosophical without a college degree. Even if your philosophy sounds a little "out there". But that's the way I am, the way God made me.

I don't know why I worry so much. I promise, Dot, I'm working on it :)

The Ramirez Family Is Leaving! :(

Oh po po po. I am tired. Worn out. And sad. Dot and the whole gang leave early tomorrow on their journey to Guam. Today, Dani (Dot's oldest daughter, third oldest child) kept telling me, "I'm really going to miss you a lot, Miss Sarah." Then she told me (as I was about to leave) "Miss Sarah, I wish you were going to Guam with us." Me too, honey. Me too. Dani gave me about a million hugs.

Boy, am I going to miss them.

But too, I have to look at it from this perspective, like both Dot and Dale told me: we have the internet. Dot has her blog, I have mine *if I can remember to update it regularly, which I am hopefully getting into the habit of doing*. We have e-mail. Snail mail. I can make DVD letters to send to them *I love my digicam and my mom's computer*. (I love my computer--my mom's old one--too. . .I can do my own thing with it. It just doesn't have a dvd burner in it). The point is, we can easily keep in touch. No, it won't be the same as having them close by. But it'll do until they're back in the U.S. again.

On a different note. . .I've been thinking a lot. It's time for a change. I have some goals I want to reach, or at least work on, in the next few months. In a couple of weeks, I'm going to the Tech College close by, to see what kind of scholarships and grants I can get, so I can start college next semester. I should have done it for this semester, but I procrastinated. Stupid procrastination. I need to look for a day job, so I can save up, and move out of my parents' house. I love them, but it's high time I got out on my own.

I guess I just have a lot to think about and a lot to concentrate on. I can't stay stuck in this rut forever. . .