College

I went to school with my mom today. . .she is going to school to become a paralegal. I have been toying around with the idea of going back to school for some time now, so I went with her today to get some information, such as degree programs, what I would want to major and minor in, etc. The prospect of going back to school is scary for me. But as my mom said, if she can do it, I can too. (She was out of school for about 40 years).

This is what I'm thinking: major in graphic design and minor in photography. I love art and I love photography. My mistake back in '99 was not majoring in something that I loved doing. Instead I majored in Radio and Television Broadcasting. While parts of it were interesting, it wasn't enough to hold my attention. Plus, I had wanted to take a year off after graduating high school, but somebody told me that if I did that, I wouldn't go to college at all. I think I would rather have taken the year off. Because I got really stressed. I had just finished high school, I was working part time, and going to college. I had the worst anxiety attack of my life that fall.

I think, now that I'm older, I could handle it better. I have a support system, not only here, but abroad as well. I have a network of people who believe in me, and they know that I can do this. I need a lot of prayer, my own praying included. I need to make sure that this is the right decision.

Your Tuesday Philosophy Lesson

It's Tuesday. Dale and Dot have gone; and you know what?

I can handle it.

How can I say this without being morbid? . . . I had a fear of them leaving because it seemed like everyone was leaving me, with all the deaths in my family in the last 14-16 months. But for some reason, until yesterday, I didn't put it all together. Even though I said we'll keep in touch and we have all the technology, at least I know that even on the other side of the planet, they're there, each of them the same person as they were when they were here. Their personalities will not change with geographical location. The next time I see them, they will still have the same traits they did the last time I saw them.

Yes, I'm a very emotional person. And sometimes it does take time for me to understand things fully. And you can be philosophical without a college degree. Even if your philosophy sounds a little "out there". But that's the way I am, the way God made me.

I don't know why I worry so much. I promise, Dot, I'm working on it :)

The Ramirez Family Is Leaving! :(

Oh po po po. I am tired. Worn out. And sad. Dot and the whole gang leave early tomorrow on their journey to Guam. Today, Dani (Dot's oldest daughter, third oldest child) kept telling me, "I'm really going to miss you a lot, Miss Sarah." Then she told me (as I was about to leave) "Miss Sarah, I wish you were going to Guam with us." Me too, honey. Me too. Dani gave me about a million hugs.

Boy, am I going to miss them.

But too, I have to look at it from this perspective, like both Dot and Dale told me: we have the internet. Dot has her blog, I have mine *if I can remember to update it regularly, which I am hopefully getting into the habit of doing*. We have e-mail. Snail mail. I can make DVD letters to send to them *I love my digicam and my mom's computer*. (I love my computer--my mom's old one--too. . .I can do my own thing with it. It just doesn't have a dvd burner in it). The point is, we can easily keep in touch. No, it won't be the same as having them close by. But it'll do until they're back in the U.S. again.

On a different note. . .I've been thinking a lot. It's time for a change. I have some goals I want to reach, or at least work on, in the next few months. In a couple of weeks, I'm going to the Tech College close by, to see what kind of scholarships and grants I can get, so I can start college next semester. I should have done it for this semester, but I procrastinated. Stupid procrastination. I need to look for a day job, so I can save up, and move out of my parents' house. I love them, but it's high time I got out on my own.

I guess I just have a lot to think about and a lot to concentrate on. I can't stay stuck in this rut forever. . .

So. . .

I'm not going out to the flea market this Saturday as I'd planned. I didn't do any painting the past couple of days like I was going to. I've been feeling off-center for the last couple of days.
Maybe I'm getting sick, I don't know. I also have a lot on my mind, and there are also some circumstances beyond my control. Maybe it's stress.

I want some awesome potato soup. From like, Outback Steakhouse. Or I'd settle for Atlanta Bread Company. Maybe. *This is not my problem. I wish it were my problem. May be a temporary solution*.

HA I'm completely random. And I should probably get to bed too. It's late. Like after 1 AM.

Never blog when you're drunk. * I am not drunk*.

Never blog when you're tired. * I am, however, tired.*

Goodnight everybody. :)

the vortex I call my life

Oh, I know it's been almost a month since my last post. I really ought to keep up with this blog. I'm going to have to, since it will be one of the ways Dot can keep up with my life after she and her family go to Guam :( I'm really sad to see them go. But God has a plan for their lives, as well as mine, and this is what He has meant for them right now. Luckily technology is such a wonderful thing; I love my digital camera and my mom's computer, that can make DVDs. Video letters. . .how fun!

It's been almost a month since Aunt Shelby died, and I am at peace with that. Like the aunts/uncles that went last year (and my beloved dog, Molly) I know that none of them hurt anymore, and they are waiting for me in Heaven. And I know that this place, earth, is just a stop off before eternity, but it's a long layover, and the people and animals that leave before we do, leave a void and a lot of memories that hurt to think about, because we miss them so much and we wish that we could be with them. Yet we--or at least, I, know I have a job to do and a purpose here, and I won't go until the Lord tells me my job is finished here. And I do want to accomplish a lot more before I leave here. I want to get married, have some children *and then grandchildren someday*.

Anyway. Now that I've made myself cry.

I'm going to be painting this week and heading out to the flea market this weekend to sell some of the paintings. I'm also going to take some of my other sketches and scan them, print them out onto cardstock to make prints to sell as well. Wish me luck, and send up a few prayers for me!!!

. . .And I was just taking pictures of the picnic. . .

I have always, as long as I can remember, loved to take pictures. My first camera was a hand-me-down Polaroid Instant Camera, the kind you used to have to buy the film and the flashbulb-bars for (it was the early 80's--probably purchase in the late 70's). I wore the thing out, until it didn't work anymore.

I progressed from there, using little 110 cameras, then 35mm cameras. Thing about all these is, you never knew if the picture would turn out blurry, or if you cut somebody's head off, or what. And you only had so many pictures you could take--12, 24, 36, blah blah blah.

I received my first digital camera for Christmas in 2005, a little Kodak EasyShare. I loved that thing. I loved being able to take pictures, erase them, having more space on the disk. . .I loved it. Then last July, I got a FujiFilm camera for my birthday. It's an awesome camera, if you're a "professional amateur" photographer. I have gotten some fabulous shots with it, including pictures of Tom Jones when my sister and I went to see him this past March. I've taken really nice pictures of my nieces, places in downtown Charleston, when I went to Orlando in May. . .it's has been an indisposable piece of equipment.

I took pictures of the picnic my church had today. Shortly after I arrived with my mom (a while before many of the others arrived), I took out my camera and my tripod, wanting to get some good photographs of the fun we were going to have. Pastor sees this and comes over to where I was. "How would you like to be the church's official photographer?. . ." He goes into how I can do all of the camerawork for the special events and services we have at the church, and they'll take care of the cost of developing the pictures and they'll get me an extra XD card and all. I'm standing there going (in my head) Wow, I get to do something officially for my church! I got all excited and everything because it's an awesome responsibility to have.

All I was doing is taking some pictures. . . :)

I'm turning 27 on Friday

It's 6:01 PM on June 30. I have someplace to be tomorrow. My birthday is Friday, Independence Day, July 4. I have many things going through my head. I miss Haylee and Sheila. I need to create. I have to go put gas in my car. And if I sit and think long enough, I think to myself, I need to make my life more interesting.

How does one make her life more interesting?

I could keep up with my blog, for one thing :)

I could keep up with my artwork. I did two paintings last week. Paintings, not oil pastel drawings. I haven't painted in the longest time. Not since before Molly passed away.

I got a haircut. I like it. It makes me feel different. Apparently it gave me a boost of confidence, as well. Because other people noticed too. Male people. :-D. And when I say it made me feel different, I mean. . .different like. . .a new person. A different personality. I don't know.

Much has happened over the last year. I wish I could forget but I can't. People have passed. People have left, beyond the control of myself or them. If I could, I'd bring them back. But I can't. More people are leaving me.

Oh Lord. I didn't intend for this to sound melancholy, really I didn't. It was supposed to be somewhat reflective and introverted.

And I still haven't many ideas as how to make my life more interesting.

*Ha. Try to become a vegetarian. . . it'd never happen. . .*

*But I could try to eat healthier.*

Great. Now I have to go to Wal-Mart. For the third time today.